Peter and his eleven friends had made the journey with Jesus, from Galilee to Jerusalem, for the Passover. While the townspeople greeted Jesus like a King, the tension in the air was thick. Peter could sense something was amiss; Jesus was on edge. On Monday, Jesus used His temper to teach a lesson at the temple courts, overturning the tables and rebuking the moneychangers. The next day, Jesus was teaching Peter and the others on the Mount of Olives, which sits east of the Temple and overlooks Jerusalem. Jesus had a lot to say about the Second Coming, and the destruction of the Temple, and then, He began to weep. Peter had never seen Jesus so tired, so emotional. They rested in Bethany the next day, at the home of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus to prepare for the Passover. And then, Thursday came.
As Peter stood there staring into the charcoal fire, he remembered walking into the Upper Room. Jesus greeted him by asking to wash his feet. What? It was ludicrous. A Rabbi washing His disciples’ stinky feet. Peter scoffed at the thought, but watched curiously as Jesus washed the other disciples’ feet. After the Lord's rebuke, in typical Peter fashion, Peter didn’t want just his feet washed, he wanted to be washed all over! Jesus shook his head, “Peter, Peter.”
Following dinner, Jesus warned His apostles that - one would betray Him; all the rest would abandon him; and one, Peter, would deny Him three times that very night. How? How could he possibly know that? Still not recognizing his own vulnerability, Peter claimed that no matter what the others did, he would remain faithful, even if it meant dying for the Lord. Remembering his words and actions, Peter shook his head, embarrassed by his arrogance and superiority.
Jesus, with His inner circle – Peter, James, and John, walked to the Garden of Gethsemane. Three different times, Jesus went away to pray and begged the three to stay awake and keep watch. Why? Why couldn’t he have just stayed awake? Jesus’ earlier warning seemed to have gone right over Peter’s head. He was confident he would stick with Jesus until the end. In fact, when Jesus was arrested, Peter jumped into action and cut off the ear of the high priest’s servant. In Peter’s mind, he was making good on his oath of loyalty. That’s got to count for something, right?!
But then Peter saw the soldiers tie up Jesus and led him away. Peter’s effort to defend Jesus failed. It was all so surreal. He followed the parade of soldiers to the home of Caiaphas, the high priest. Unsure of what to do next, he hung back at the door as Jesus was led inside. Was it fear? Was he being a coward?
A servant girl approached him at the doorway and asked, “Aren’t you one of this man’s disciples?” Shocked and scared, Peter answered, “I am not!”
What?! Why did he say that? Because it was cold, the household servants and the guards had made a charcoal fire. They gathered around it, warming themselves, and Peter stood with them. A servant girl saw him there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, “This man was with him.” Peter’s eyes bulged out of his head, and his heart leapt with anxiety. “Woman, I don’t know him!” What?! Why?! He did it again!
Not a minute later, someone else saw Peter and said, “Certainly you were with Him. You’re a Galilean.” Before he even knew what he was saying, Peter yelled, “Man! I am NOT! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” And as the words left his mouth, the rooster crowed. From across the courtyard, Jesus locked eyes with Peter. The look from Jesus. That look. He will never forget that look. Peter had denied his Lord. The shame washed over him. What had he done?!
Peter failed despite his brash promises. Peter failed despite claiming to be more faithful to the Lord than his fellow disciples. By denying the Lord, Peter completely failed to live up to his word. He broke his promise to forever be loyal to the Lord he claimed to love. The shame. The embarrassment. The brokenness.
It is hard to imagine the heartache of Peter at this point. Peter was chosen by Jesus to be a disciple. He was chosen by Jesus as one of his “inner three.” Jesus blessed Peter, calling him the “the Rock”, upon whom He would build His church. After being chosen and blessed, how is Peter in this state of brokenness? How would Jesus ever use Peter now?
Good morning, Beloved Ones! Today we are continuing our series called Life of the Beloved, based on a bestseller by Henri Nouwen. In this book, Nouwen guides the reader on how to fully live into being a beloved child of God. All at once, beloved is both who we are, and who we are called to become.
In the last weeks, we have spoken about our identity as the beloved and how Nouwen uses four words to describe the movement of the Spirit in our lives: Taken, Blessed, Broken, and Given. Being taken, or chosen, is the basis for our being the Beloved. We’re each stamped with the image of God and chosen as His Beloved ones. As we claim our chosenness by saying “yes” to the gift of God’s grace, and live it as our truth, we come to understand we are blessed by God and called to bless others through prayer and presence.
This week, we are on the third movement of Spirit in our lives: Brokenness. This is a tough word for many of us. The images that come to mind when I think of the word broken are not pretty: broken glass, cracked plates, shattered phone screens... Most likely, something tangible like this is something we would quickly replace. Or if it can be repaired, we think it will never be the same, or at least not as good as it once was before. It also brings to mind broken vows and promises. Our world is filled with people who have broken hearts, broken spirits, and broken relationships. When one is not honored, there is a break down in relationships. When relationships break down, we often find it easier to walk away, rather than walk toward restoration, reconciliation, or mending the relationship.
As broken people, we find solace in the words from Psalm 22. “My God! My God, why have you forsaken me? Why have you left me all alone? Why are you so far from saving me — so far from my anguished groans? My God, I cry out during the day, but you don’t answer.” Broken people feel abandoned. They feel alone. No matter how loud they cry out or act out, we tend to ignore them because it is too painful for us. It’s easier to avoid them than to be present with them.
Or, sometimes broken people choose to be alone. They don’t want anyone to reach out to them. Perhaps they feel there is no hope in putting the pieces back together again, like Humpty Dumpty. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again. Broken people often feel rejected and ignored, despised and useless, worthless, unappreciated, and unloved. They feel like their world is falling apart.
How do I know this? Because I’ve asked you. And because I’ve felt it myself. There are times when I have been so ashamed, I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. There are times when I have been so deflated, I have wondered if God could ever use me again. And there are times I have sat with you, and I have heard you lash out and say, “Where is God? Why did He leave me?”
The Bible, too, is filled with stories of broken people and broken hearts. But God chose them and blessed them in their brokenness. Jesus healed people who were broken - physically, spiritually, and mentally. Jesus even allowed Himself to be broken so we could receive His healing power of salvation and grace. We remember this in our communion liturgy, “This is my body broken for you.”
In one way or another, we’re all broken. One of the beauties of being the church is realizing we’re a community of believers. We come with the shattered pieces of our lives - our pain, our suffering, our grief, our loneliness, our broken spirits, our broken hearts, our damaged lives. We bring them here to a church community that is as broken as the individuals in it - seeking the glue that fixes, the salve that relieves us of pain, the tape that holds us together. When we become aware of each other’s brokenness, even though our brokenness is different, we see we’re not alone. We’re reminded that we have each other, and we have God. God chose and blessed us, even though we are broken. God’s redemption and restoration transforms our brokenness into something we could never imagine. He makes all things new.
Which takes us back to Peter…
For three years, Peter’s world revolved around Jesus. He left a fishing career to follow Jesus. He had confessed that Jesus is the Messiah, the Christ. Out of all the disciples, Peter trusted Jesus enough to step out of the boat and walk toward Him on water. After Jesus was arrested, Peter courageously followed the guards, who took Jesus to the courtyard of the high priest, while the other disciples hid. But Jesus knew Peter and predicted that he would deny Him. So, when Peter was asked if he knew Jesus, even though Jesus had been the center of his world, Peter did not have the courage to admit that he was a follower of Jesus, nor did he attest to the Lordship of Jesus. Instead, Peter denied Jesus not once, not twice, but three times. Not only was Peter’s world shattered by Jesus’ arrest, his heart and spirit were broken when he realized that he rejected the One who transformed his world. Can you imagine what Peter must have felt like? Imagine that moment Jesus locked eyes with him. Sadness, grief, and shame don’t even begin to describe the lowliness and loneliness he must have felt. So, what does Peter do with all of this? He went back to what he knew, his former way of life - fishing.
Following the resurrection, some of the disciples were fishing in the Sea of Galilee. From the seashore, the resurrected Christ called out to them, “Children, have you caught anything?” They hung their heads and yelled, NO. Jesus commanded them to cast their nets on the other side, and 153 fish filled the nets! The man on the shore was the Lord! Peter was so excited, he leapt into the water and swam ashore, where he found Jesus cooking breakfast.
Beside another charcoal fire, Jesus asked Peter three times, “Peter, do you love me?” The interplay is profound and pointed. Peter was heartbroken and distressed, but he knew what the Lord was doing. Peter, having denied Christ three times, was now confessing Him three times. His repentance matched his sin — three denials, three confessions. At a charcoal fire, Peter had betrayed the Lord!
At a charcoal fire, the Lord restored Peter!
The Resurrected Christ put the pieces back together again. The broken Peter was not thrown away; he was not replaced; he was restored. Restored means we are put back into the place we were, as someone healed and whole. To do so, we must first claim our brokenness. Nouwen says, “We have to find the courage to embrace our own brokenness, to make our most feared enemy into a friend, and claim it as a companion.” Peter may still have been a brash natural leader, but Jesus didn’t want a natural leader. The Lord wanted a restored leader. Jesus wanted Peter to be a leader with integrity, who knew his own vulnerabilities. Failure wasn’t the issue. Every human will fail at some point. The issue for Jesus was that Peter had to own his failures. Peter needed to claim his brokenness. Peter needed to humble himself before the Lord and before those he let down with his arrogance and denials. Only then could the Lord raise Peter back from failure, and restore him to leadership. Only after Peter could acknowledge his failure — an admission that had to come from his heart — would he be ready for leadership.
The second step in healing our brokenness is to pull the brokenness away from the shadow of the curse and put it under the light of the blessing. This may not ease our pain, but it allows our hurt to co-exist with the knowledge that we have been blessed with our Belovedness. This isn’t easy. It is, and can be, a long process. But when we have the community of faith to rely upon, to offer supporting arms, we can step out of the darkness and step into the light of being blessed. Great burdens can be made lighter. What seems impossible becomes a challenge. Challenge accepted! Rejection can be turned into a deeper communion with God. In Peter's case, Jesus had to help Peter reach the point where he was genuinely convicted of his sin. Peter had to admit he was broken and that he needed to be re-set, cleansed, stabilized, rehabbed, and restored. And Jesus did this in front of Peter’s friends, his fellow disciples - those he had let down, those to whom he had claimed to be superior. They had to be part of the process so he could be restored to the team and restored to leadership and ministry.
How marvelous is the transforming grace of Christ! Those whom the Lord breaks, He remakes. Peter, broken and remade by grace, was ready to be used by the Lord and to begin his ministry in earnest. The next time Peter stood up in Jerusalem was on the day we call Pentecost. He proclaimed with courage and authority who Jesus was: “God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him. … God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.” Three thousand came to Christ because of the testimony and courageous faith of this once-shameful, broken, and now re-made man.
God uses broken things. He uses you and me. It takes broken soil to produce a crop; broken clouds to give rain; broken grains to give bread; broken bread to give strength. We are all broken, but if we allow the Triune God, who has already chosen us in our brokenness, we, too, can be blessed. God can create beauty despite all our cracks. For remember these words, these words of chosenness and blessedness that the Lord offers to each of us:
I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine. And I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother’s womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness, and care for you with a care more intimate than any other relationship on earth. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step.
Wherever you go, I go with you. Wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench your thirst. I will not hide from you. You know me as your own, as I know you as my own. You belong to me. Wherever you are, I will be. Nothing will separate us. We are one.
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