You Asked for It: Forgiveness

 

You Asked For It: Forgiveness

Matthew 18:21-35

²¹ Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if my brother or sister sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” ²² Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.

²³ “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. ²⁴ When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him, ²⁵ and, as he could not pay, the lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions and payment to be made. 

²⁶ So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ ²⁷ And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. ²⁸ But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him by the throat he said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ ²⁹ Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 

³⁰ But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. 

³¹ When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. ³² Then his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ³³ Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ ³⁴ And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. ³⁵ So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

 

 

Good morning, friends. Let’s jump right in. We’re on week two of our sermon series You Asked For It. And overwhelmingly, you submitted questions like these: 

 

·      How do I forgive someone when they hurt me?

·      How does God forgive me when I hurt Him and others?

·      Is there a correlation between these two answers?

·      Does the way I forgive others reflect my own understanding of God’s forgiveness?

·      What does scripture say about being reconciled to others before I worship Him?

·      Is there a situation where I can forgive someone and still not have them in my life?

·      Does forgiving someone mean I trust them again?

It sounds like we need to spend the next month talking through forgiveness, so I hope you will forgive me as I seek to answer these questions in just 20 minutes! But in fact, I have preached four sermons in last year on forgiveness – loving your enemies; the words of Jesus from the cross – Father, forgive them; the justifying grace of God; Jesus forgiving the woman caught in adultery… Maybe Steven is trying to tell me I need to work on this! 😊

 

So indeed, a hallmark of the Christian journey is the commitment to become a forgiving person. And not just forgiving one offense, but living as a forgiving follower.

 

Forgiveness is one of the main themes of Jesus’ teachings and example: 

 

In the Lord’s Prayer, He taught us to pray: “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

 

In Luke chapter 6, Jesus says, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

 

As part of His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught, “If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then, come and offer your sacrifice to God.”

 

But I want to break apart just one teaching today. Break open that sermon quiz, and if you have your Bible, open up to Matthew chapter 18, the parable Steven read earlier. This story deals with the healing of hurts between people - that is, the way to resolve differences, to heal the breaches that frequently come in between members of families, members of churches. The lesson we learn is that the only way to break through the resentment barrier that separates us is through forgiveness. 

 

Forgiveness, of course, is the virtue we most enjoy, yet least employ. We all love to be forgiven -- we expect it; we want it. But we find it a struggle TO forgive. We resist it, and oftentimes refuse to do it. It appears the Apostle Peter had a little trouble with forgiveness, too. In Matthew 18, we find Peter, in His hasty bluntness, coming to Jesus with a question:

 

“Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” 

 

Jesus said to Peter, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” 

 

I’ve often wondered – was Peter actually thinking of his literal brother? Peter and Andrew were brothers, had grown up together, and had joined this band of disciples together. I tend to believe Peter is actually speaking of Andrew here. Perhaps Andrew left the cap off the toothpaste; or he borrowed Peter’s favorite tunic and wore it without permission; or perhaps Andres never put the Legos away, and Peter stepped on them. Or perhaps it's the other way around. Perhaps it’s Andrew who resents Peter. Afterall, Andrew met Jesus first. Andrew introduced Peter to Jesus… yet Jesus included Peter in the inner-circle with James and John, not Andrew. 

At any rate, Peter feels he’s being very noble in suggesting he forgive anyone seven times, and for good reason. The rabbis taught you only needed to forgive someone three times at most, based on a misunderstanding of the text written by the prophet Amos. The fourth time you could do whatever you liked. So, you can understand why Peter feels he has gone to the utmost limit when he doubled three times, and added one for good measure, suggesting he would be willing to forgive his brother seven times.

 

I tend to think Jesus replied with His signature wit when He said, "Peter, would you believe, you should be willing to forgive 490 times?" In effect, He’s saying, it’s not a question of how often, or how many times I should forgive my brother. That’s not the question. The real question is, "Why should I forgive at all?” 

 

When we see that we should forgive, then we will see there is no limit. Jesus has only chosen this figure of 490 times as a play upon what Peter has said to Him, but in reality, it suggests an unlimited forgiveness. And, to answer the deeper question, "Why should I forgive my brother," our Lord gives us this parable of the unforgiving steward found in Matthew 18.

 

The value of this parable lies in seeing it’s a picture of us. Jesus is holding up a mirror so we might see ourselves. We are the servant, who has been forgiven a vast, staggering amount, and God is the great forgiving king. This ten thousand talents is an incredible amount! A talent was worth about one thousand dollars! So, ten thousand talents converts to ten million dollars!

 

When it came time to settle accounts, the man was confronted with this enormous debt, and he knew he couldn’t pay it. The king ordered justice to be carried out - the man, his wife and children, and all they had was to be sold. Even then, it would be far short of the amount of this debt. In desperation, the man made an impossible promise. He fell to his knees and said to the king, "Have patience, sir, and I will pay you everything." 

 

But let’s be honest, he could never do that. Even if he worked his whole life, he would never be able to repay ten million dollars. But in desperation, he cried out, and the king's heart was so moved by the man's impossible situation, he forgave him out of pity and at a staggering cost to himself. It means this king assumed the debt, allowing it to go unpaid, and thus, depleting his treasury. This is no insignificant matter. 

 

We must see ourselves in this if we are going to be helped by this Word of Jesus. We must see the sum of our offenses against God through the years adds up to this kind of a debt, an absolutely impossible amount. Our rebellions, our selfish acts and thoughts, our willful choices, our lovelessness toward one another, the hurt we have caused others, our pride, our anger, our lusts, our bitterness, our hates, and our lies; all these add up through the years to a staggering debt we owe God and which we cannot repay. 

 

But then, there comes the Good News. There came a day when we stood in the presence of God and heard Him pronounce those words, "In the name of Jesus Christ, You are forgiven.” The debt was wiped away. In one moment, it was gone. Can you remember the glory of that moment when you realized that before God, you stood cleansed, blameless, free? The debt was paid; you are free.

 

Back to the parable, verse 28, Jesus continues in the story, which He says occurred immediately, as this man went out from his experience of being so unbelievably forgiven: 

 

"As he went out, he met a man who owed him twenty dollars and seizing him by the throat he said, ‘Pay me what you owe.’ But when the second man says exactly the same words the first had said just a few moments before, ‘Have patience with me and I'll pay you everything,’ instead of forgiving him this paltry amount, he throws him into prison until he could pay the full amount.”

This is exactly what we do when we refuse to forgive each other, even the most insulting, heart-breaking offenses. No matter how hurt we are by what someone has done to us, in comparison to what God has forgiven, it’s like comparing twenty dollars to ten million dollars of debt. And these two events are occurring simultaneously in our lives, in immediate context, just as Jesus said.

 

When we said “yes” to Christ, we didn’t flip a switch and stop sinning. Despite the abiding relationship with our Lord, and the increasing light and love that has come to us, we still fall short of living sinless lives. Not a day goes by that we don’t stand in desperate need of the forgiving word of our great Savior. Again and again, He cancels out the debt as we come in our vulnerability and guilt, knowing we have terribly failed, to hear anew God’s tender forgiving word. 

 

And yet, when someone offends us, how quickly we revert to the basis of justice, and start demanding, "Pay me what you owe. I demand an apology. Give me my rights. I demand to be treated with respect." How many times have we uttered such words?

 

The rest of the parable reveals the two great reasons why followers of Christ must forgive those who offend them, verse 31:

 

“When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

 

“That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

 

There are two reasons revealed here why Christians must forgive each other: 

 

First, we must forgive because anything less is hypocritical. Jesus says, we must forgive one another because we have already been forgiven. 

 

Paul agreed. He wrote to the Ephesians in chapter 4, verses 31 & 32, our memory verse for the week: 

 

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

 

That’s the basis of Christian forgiveness. When we refuse to do this, when we hold a grudge, or hold tight to bitterness and refuse to settle an issue, then we’re doing exactly what the unrighteous steward did. In the very moment of our own forgiveness, we are demanding justice, when we ourselves cannot, and do not, stand on that level.

 

There is a passage in Second Peter which describes the graces God gives - the grace of self-control, of godliness, of brotherly affection and of loving concern:

 

But those who fail to develop in this way are shortsighted or blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their old sins.

 

A lot of times, I think that’s our problem. We demand others to act in a way we, ourselves, could never achieve. And that’s when harshness creeps into our voice. We’re severe and unbending, rigid in our demands. It’s not that we don’t need to deal with the wrong. The problem lies in the spirit in which we do so. The minute we revert to the basis of justice, we are following the law of retaliation, and the law of retaliation always has an escalating clause in it. Your radio is too loud, so I pound on the wall. You squawk; I roar. The next time we meet, and you won't speak to me, I’ll spread rumors about you.

 

Jesus says forgiveness is possible because we have been forgiven. Because this staggering debt against us has been wiped out by the grace of God, we, too, have the capability of forgiving. 

So, that’s the first reason Jesus said we must forgive each other -- because we have been forgiven so very much ourselves. The second reason we must forgive is because of the torment an unforgiving spirit inflicts upon us.

 

This echoes what Jesus said at the Sermon on the Mount: 

 

If you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

 

This is addressed directly to those who have said “yes” to God – Christians, disciples, followers - in whom the Spirit of God lives, and therefore, God knows they have the ability and capacity to forgive. But if we won’t exercise it, if we insist on justice or retaliation, we will be given justice ourselves. As James tell us:

 

"There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. 

But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when He judges you.”

 

This marvelously expressive phrase describes what happens to us when we don’t forgive another. It’s an accurate description of the gnawing resentment and bitterness, the awful gall of hate or envy. It’s a terrible feeling. We can’t get away from it. We can’t escape it. We find ourselves powerless to avoid it. We strongly feel this separation from another, and every time we think of them, we feel the acid of resentment and hate eating away at our peace and calmness. 

 

This is the torturing our Lord says will take place. In the book of Hebrews, we read, "Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you.” Notice where the trouble occurs? It hits you, not the other person.

 

But please hear this: Forgiveness is not acting like the offense never happened. It’s not about becoming a doormat, or allowing someone to continuously mistreat you. It’s not a lack of accountability or consequences. It doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries. Forgiveness is not reconciliation or giving offenders your trust again. It’s not even restoring the relationship to what it was. 

 

Forgiveness is about how you are going to deal with your hurt and anger. Are you going to trap yourself in anger and bitterness? Or are you going to take the key, put it in the lock, and release yourself? 

 

Sometimes we withhold forgiveness because we see it only as a gift to the person we feel least like giving the gift to. But I believe forgiveness is primarily a gift you give to yourself. Forgiveness is a choice, a process where you decide not to allow your thoughts, your spirit, your life to be consumed with resentment and bitterness. 

 

There is a great temptation to cling in anger to our enemies, and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. But I believe, forgiveness is an act of liberation. Forgiveness not only liberates the other, but also ourselves. It’s our way to freedom.  (Henri Nouwen)

 

I’ll end with this quote from NT Wright -- 

 

Forgiveness is not a moral rule that comes with sanctions attached. 
God doesn’t deal with us on the basis of abstract codes and rules like that. Forgiveness is a way of life, 
God’s way OF life, God’s way TO life; 
and if you close your heart to forgiveness, 
why, then, you close your heart to forgiveness. 
That is the point of the terrifying parable in Matthew 18, 
about the slave who had been forgiven millions, 
but then dragged a colleague into court to settle a debt of a few pence.
 That is why we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses, 
as we forgive those who trespass against us.” 
That isn’t a bargain we make with God. 
It’s a fact of human life. 
Not to forgive is to shut down a faculty in the innermost person, 
which happens to be the same faculty that can receive God’s forgiveness.
 It also happens to be the same faculty that can experience 
real joy and real grief. 
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Friends, this is a hard one. And it’s certainly not all encompassing. I don’t claim to know your deepest hurts, and you don’t know all of the wrongs others have committed against me. But I have found that forgiveness is a life-line. Resentments are a burden on me, not on the one I resent. And Jesus, in the Lord’s Prayer, makes forgiveness as central as our daily bread. Nothing marks out the spirit of Christ in our everyday lives more clearly than forgiveness.  

 

And so, my prayer today for each of us is this: 
to move forward in love, 
leading with forgiveness, 
to heal the church, 
to heal our families, 
to heal the heart, 
and to heal the hurts, 
one with another, 
by the grace God has shown to us. 
May we let go of our treasured grievances and resentments.
May we forgive and go on forgiving.

Amen. And Amen.