Maundy Thursday Reflection
READING 1: John 6:60-71
Many of his disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?”
Jesus was aware that his disciples were complaining, so he said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what will you think if you see the Son of Man ascend to heaven again? The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life. But some of you do not believe me.”
(For Jesus knew from the beginning which ones didn’t believe, and he knew who would betray him.)
Then he said, “That is why I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father gives them to me.”
At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him.
Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Are you also going to leave?”
Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.”
Then Jesus said, “I chose the twelve of you, but one is a devil. ”
He was speaking of Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, one of the Twelve, who would later betray him.
Judas’ Response 1:
I am Judas. I know most of you have heard the stories you are about to hear before, but I want you to hear my side of the story. My name is always listed last when you hear about the twelve of us, and I will forever be known for what I did. I am the “betrayer”. I am notorious---a cautionary tale for fallen faith. But I am more than that. You know our world loves villains. I am sure my story makes you feel a bit better about yourself and the mistakes you’ve made. I’m like the ancient version of a car wreck that you can’t look away from. And yet, you all know so little about me. I challenge you: go look for books written about me. There are hundreds about Peter or even about Mary Magdalene, but only an obscure small handful about me. It’s like people are afraid to talk about me. I am a walking curse.
But I was a real disciple. It was real. I just never fit in with the others. Did you know I was the only one in the group who was not from the north, from Galilee?
It was lonely---leaving everything to follow him, and not feeling a connection with His other followers. But I did believe in Him! God, I believed in Him! I just couldn’t understand. He was not what I thought. I thought, here is the king who will finally vindicate us! See I was what we called a Zealot. It’s the closest thing we Jewish people had at that time to an army. We lived under the heel of the Roman empire, and they treated us like dirt on their boots. We were nothing to them, but we, the Zealots, remembered that we are the chosen people---a great nation! I know people who plotted riots, insurrections, even assassinations of the Emperor. But when I met Jesus I knew: here is the answer to our prayers. He will make our nation whole again.
I loved watching the crowds gather around Him. I loved seeing His popularity build and build. The time was coming, I just knew it. But then I did not understand why he wasted His time with some of the people---the sick, the weak. Sure, I felt sorry for them too, but there were bigger objectives in mind. They weren’t going to help Him gain power…so what was the point?
He would teach about leaders being servants, and humbling those who exalted themselves, and taking up our crosses, and I’ll be honest... I did not understand ANY of it at the time. But I didn’t ask questions. Maybe I didn’t want the real answers. And then the few times, I spoke up and got rebuked, it felt lousy. I was just trying to keep myself out of the way. Jesus had a plan and I was following His lead.
But I got impatient. Jesus’ plan was not looking at all like my plan. What was He doing???
And then I KNOW you’ve heard about the weirdest and most humiliating thing of all. He rode into the crowds of Passover with His feet dragging in the mud on a nursing donkey! While the Emperor rode in on the other side of the city with his stallion and his soldiers and his parade!
I remember thinking with so much anger and disappointment:
Do you think this is a joke, Jesus?? We were going to be in power someday and you’re just throwing it away, acting like you don’t care! You are my teacher, and I love you, but your life is only one life and I have the lives of all my people to be concerned about. It is time for you to take on Rome.
But if you’re not willing, maybe God will use me instead. It’s time for a new order, whatever the cost may be.....
Ah, Holy Jesus
Stanza 1
Ah, holy Jesus, how hast thou offended,
that we to judge thee have in hate pretended?
By foes derided, by thine own rejected,
O most afflicted!
READING 2: Matthew 26:14-16, 20-25
Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests and asked,
“How much will you pay me to betray Jesus to you?”
And they gave him thirty pieces of silver.
From that time on, Judas began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus.
When it was evening, Jesus sat down at the table with the Twelve.
While they were eating, he said, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me.”
Greatly distressed, each one asked in turn, “Am I the one, Lord?”
He replied, “One of you who has just eaten from this bowl with me will betray me. For the Son of Man must die, as the Scriptures declared long ago. But how terrible it will be for the one who betrays him. It would be far better for that man if he had never been born!”
Judas, the one who would betray him, also asked, “Rabbi, am I the one?”
And Jesus told him, “You have said it.”
Judas’ Response 2:
You know what? It was never about the money. I mean thirty pieces of silver is like a month’s wages, but it wasn’t about the money. Not really. There was always enough for us to get by on, and Jesus would tell us not to worry about tomorrow. But wandering around basically homeless with this crew, it was hard not to worry. I’m a practical person. I needed to know the plan.
And it wasn’t as if I was the only one having doubts about Jesus. All the MOST religious people in our region were offended by Him. He was always arguing with them, and He even pronounced “woe” on them for trying to make others live into the perfection of the law. Sometimes He was so controversial, it felt like He was trying to get Himself killed! You don’t mess with the law. There are rules for a reason. I’m not perfect, but I knew when to follow those rules.
But who am I kidding? As soon as I struck a deal with the priests to deliver Him up, I felt uneasy. It was hard going back among Jesus and the other disciples and trying to be normal. I hoped I was doing the right thing. Jesus needed my help. Maybe He was scared to make the first move against the Romans, but if I just got a little confrontation going, then He’d show what He was made of. He would step in with all the might of God and put things in order, wouldn’t he?
What’s crazy is....Jesus knew! You heard Him! He knew what I had done, and what I was about to do. Yet still He included me in this last meal of bread and wine. You know, He even sat me to His right; in the seat of honor! Was He trying to make this as hard as possible? Or was He trying to get me to take it back? The other disciples were clueless, of course. They all wondered if they’d be the one to betray Him.
But I hope you’re starting to see, this whole thing was bigger than me... maybe this-----this “thing” is the whole reason I was called to follow Him.....
Ah, Holy Jesus
Stanza 2
Who was the guilty? Who brought this upon thee?
Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone thee!
'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied thee;
I crucified thee.
READING 3: Mark 14:41-50
When he returned to them the third time, he said, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Enough! The hour has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Up, let’s be going. Look, my betrayer is here!”
And immediately, even as Jesus said this, Judas, one of the twelve disciples, arrived with a crowd of men armed with swords and clubs. They had been sent by the leading priests, the teachers of religious law, and the elders.
The traitor, Judas, had given them a prearranged signal: “You will know which one to arrest when I greet him with a kiss. Then you can take him away under guard.” As soon as they arrived, Judas walked up to Jesus. “Rabbi!” he exclaimed, and gave him the kiss.
Then the others grabbed Jesus and arrested him. But one of the men with Jesus pulled out his sword and struck the high priest’s slave, slashing off his ear.
Jesus asked them, “Am I some dangerous revolutionary, that you come with swords and clubs to arrest me? Why didn’t you arrest me in the Temple? I was there among you teaching every day. But these things are happening to fulfill what the Scriptures say about me.”
Then all his disciples deserted him and ran away.
Judas’ Response 3:
Here was the moment! I had to force His hand, I just had to. Even Caiaphas, one of the most well-respected Chief Priests said “you do not realize it is better for you that one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish”. But He wasn’t going to die. It would all be worth it when He showed His power. After everything He did---healing thousands, walking on water, even raising the dead
---I had no doubt that He would find a way to get out of this alive. Angels would come and protect Him if they had to.
I just did what had to be done. Someone had to do it.
But it hurt like hell to turn Him over with a kiss. A kiss! And still, He called me “friend”.
((Sigh and pause))
I knew something was wrong when I kissed Him. His skin was hot; all clammy and sweaty. He looked like He had not slept in days. He was scared!! I had never seen Him like this. My master, my teacher---scared??
But He was going to be okay. He had to be okay. He would resist. God would help Him. Everything would be okay.
Ah, Holy Jesus
Stanza 3
Lo, the Good Shepherd for the sheep is offered;
the slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered.
For our atonement, while we nothing heeded,
God interceded.
READING 4: John 19:1-16
Then Pilate had Jesus flogged with a lead-tipped whip. The soldiers wove a crown of thorns and put it on his head, and they put a purple robe on him. “Hail! King of the Jews!” they mocked, as they slapped him across the face.
Pilate went outside again and said to the people, “I am going to bring him out to you now, but understand clearly that I find him not guilty.” Then Jesus came out wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe. And Pilate said, “Look, here is the man!”
When they saw him, the leading priests and Temple guards began shouting, “Crucify him! Crucify him!”
“Take him yourselves and crucify him,” Pilate said. “I find him not guilty.”
The Jewish leaders replied, “By our law he ought to die because he called himself the Son of God.”
When Pilate heard this, he was more frightened than ever. He took Jesus back into the headquarters again and asked him, “Where are you from?” But Jesus gave no answer. “Why don’t you talk to me?” Pilate demanded. “Don’t you realize that I have the power to release you or crucify you?”
Then Jesus said, “You would have no power over me at all unless it were given to you from above. So the one who handed me over to you has the greater sin.”
Then Pilate tried to release him, but the Jewish leaders shouted, “If you release this man, you are no ‘friend of Caesar.’ Anyone who declares himself a king is a rebel against Caesar.”
When they said this, Pilate brought Jesus out to them again. Then Pilate sat down on the judgment seat on the platform that is called the Stone Pavement (in Hebrew, Gabbatha). It was now about noon on the day of preparation for the Passover. And Pilate said to the people, “Look, here is your king!”
“Away with him,” they yelled. “Away with him! Crucify him!”
“What? Crucify your king?” Pilate asked.
“We have no king but Caesar,” the leading priests shouted back.
Then Pilate turned Jesus over to them to be crucified.
So they took Jesus away.
Judas’ Response 4:
I couldn’t have imagined it would go this far. By this time, I was beginning to get the sinking feeling that none of this would go as I planned, as I had hoped. That woman who poured expensive oil on Him---I thought she was just making a show of wastefulness to show her piety, but now I see.
She was anointing Him for death. I was beginning to see what was happening here.
He would never be treated like a King. He was about to be executed like a common criminal. This man I followed for the best years of my life. What would people think?
Your humiliation humiliates me!!!! I didn’t understand you Jesus.
You were supposed to be the one to save us.
And now it’s all falling apart.
And worst of all it’s my fault.
Maybe I can be forgiven. You always told such stories of forgiveness: the coin, the sheep, the Prodigal Son. You didn’t want any of us lost. To lose our way. Not even me. God, I must be the worst of the worst.
Maybe I can still make things right.
I’ll take it back. I’ll prove that you were innocent. You don’t deserve this.
You said this would happen, but it’s just not right!
Where is God to come and save you? Why isn’t he coming to save you? This can’t be right. It can’t all be for nothing. I just…..Jesus, you can’t die this way! It’s not supposed to happen like this.
I have to make it right...
If I don’t, who will?
Ah, Holy Jesus
Stanza 4
For me, kind Jesus, was thy incarnation,
thy mortal sorrow, and thy life's oblation;
thy death of anguish and thy bitter passion,
for my salvation.
READING 5: Matthew 27:3-10
When Judas, who had betrayed him, realized that Jesus had been condemned to die, he was filled with remorse. So he took the thirty pieces of silver back to the leading priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he declared, “for I have betrayed an innocent man.”
“What do we care?” they retorted. “That’s your problem.”
Then Judas threw the silver coins down in the Temple and went out and hanged himself.
The leading priests picked up the coins. “It wouldn’t be right to put this money in the Temple treasury,” they said, “since it was payment for murder.” After some discussion they finally decided to buy the potter’s field, and they made it into a cemetery for foreigners. That is why the field is still called the Field of Blood. This fulfilled the prophecy of Jeremiah that says,
“They took the thirty pieces of silver —the price at which he was valued by the people of Israel,
and purchased the potter’s field, as the Lord directed.”
READING 6: John 19:23-30
When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they divided his clothes among the four of them. They also took his robe, but it was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. So they said, “Rather than tearing it apart, let’s throw dice for it.” This fulfilled the Scripture that says, “They divided my garments among themselves and threw dice for my clothing.” So that is what they did.
Standing near the cross were Jesus’ mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary (the wife of Clopas), and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, “Dear woman, here is your son.” And he said to this disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from then on this disciple took her into his home.
Jesus knew that his mission was now finished, and to fulfill Scripture he said, “I am thirsty.” A jar of sour wine was sitting there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put it on a hyssop branch, and held it up to his lips. When Jesus had tasted it, he said, “It is finished!” Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
FINAL JUDAS REFLECTION:
I couldn’t wait, I missed it. I went forward on my own initiative trying to force Jesus into moving against our enemy. I didn’t understand that the Son of Man had come to die. I didn’t listen to Jesus’ announcement of his death. I painted a picture in my mind of who Jesus was and when He failed to meet that expectation I lost hope and began plotting how to force Jesus to do what I wanted him to.
That’s gotta make us stop and think about who Jesus truly is. Who we really are. When our hope is in a Savior that resembles a world power, we lose hope when the violence isn’t done by our hero, but rather to him. Jesus isn’t in the business of meeting our expectations. He came to suffer, to die, and to bring resurrection.
I wanted what all the other disciples wanted: a place of power in the Kingdom, my own vision of restoration come to fruition. For this I was willing to cheat and steal and betray. I wonder if any of this is applicable to you dear listener? Has God ever been too slow and so you took things into your owns hands? Has the vision he painted been so different than yours that you decided to stop following and start leading?
We forget the last shall be first and the first shall be last. We forget the foot-washing master, who said, “Follow me.”
So we must choose between our 30 pieces of silver, our own dreams and desires, or humbly taking up our cross to be like Jesus. Can we come and die seeking first His kingdom and not our own? We must choose: to embrace Jesus as he is and learn to be shaped like Him or continue being proud and stubbornly refuse to see God as He truly is.
You can worship the Christ, who came to lay down his life as a ransom for many. You are called to love as he did, in serving others, washing feet, dying to self, and standing with those who can’t stand. The invitation is open for you tonight. I missed it, I betrayed all of it. Will you?
Ah, Holy Jesus
Stanza 5
Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay thee,
I do adore thee, and will ever pray thee,
think on thy pity and thy love unswerving,
not my deserving.
